


Anything Else Is Just an Imitation

by Orithain, Rina9294



Series: The World According to Rover [28]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Related, M/M, Sentient Carts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:22:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orithain/pseuds/Orithain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rina9294/pseuds/Rina9294
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How McKay and Mrs. Miller would have gone in the Rover-verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Else Is Just an Imitation

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 2006.  
> Though parts were changed to fit our Rover-verse, some scenes and dialogue are straight out of the episode.

"I have to go to Earth." With that announcement, Rodney dropped into the chair across from John, leaned in to grab his cup of coffee, and slugged it down.

"What?" John stared. "What do you mean you have to go to Earth? You’re not going anywhere without me." Rover thumped the table leg in agreement.

"Do you think I want to?" Rodney exclaimed. "Trust me, both of you, this is the _last_ thing I do, but I have to."

"Why don’t you explain it to us then? And try to convince me why you should go without me?"

Rodney sighed and reached out a hand to pat Rover when the cart nudged his chair. "It’s my sister."

"Is something wrong with her?" John asked, immediately concerned.

"Other than the fact that the mind that can do this is a stay-at-home mother spending her time cleaning house and wiping runny noses? Not a thing!" Rodney scoffed, tossing his datapad on the desk and pointing at the rows of complex mathematical formulae.

John’s eyes ran over the math, widening as he worked through it. The theories were esoteric, but the math... He wanted to talk to the person who’d done this. "I’m going with you."

"And leave Rover by himself?"

"Shit." John slumped in his chair. "You’re bringing her back here, right?"

"I’m going to do my damnedest," Rodney nodded, continuing to stroke Rover as he spoke. "It may not be that easy though..."

"Rodney, I have every confidence in your stubbornness."

"Why, thank you, Colonel; the only issue is that it’s genetic—she has it too."

John shuddered. "On second thought, I think I’m glad I won’t be there to see it."

Rodney sniffed at that. "Your lack of support is touching."

"Rodney, I love you, but you fighting you is my idea of Armageddon."

"Hah, if there were two of me, the magnitude of our brilliance would outshine the sun. Now, I’ve got to go pack. Do you want to come help, or do you have more reports to write?"

"I’ll help so that you finish sooner and have some free time before you go. I need to remind you what you have to come back to."

The smile Rodney gave in answer to that was predatory. "And to remind you to keep your legs shut if you go on any missions." He chuckled then when Rover banged the desk with his pincer.

John laughed. "No one else is after me, you nut, but I’m willing to lie back and let you have your way if it’ll make you feel better."

" _After_ I pack, I will and it will." Rodney stood and gathered up his datapad. "And if you’re really good, I’ll let you take guesses at just what this proof will do."

"I’m always good," John retorted, grinning as he stood up as well.

Rodney chuckled, waiting until John walked around his desk to catch him by the shirt and pull him in for a kiss. "Good? You’re amazing, Colonel."

John beamed at him. "It’s nice to be appreciated. And for the record, so are you."

"Well, of course I am, and yes, Rover, so are you," Rodney added before the cart could pinch either of them.

"That’s why we work so well together." John slung an arm around Rodney’s shoulders as they stepped into the transporter.

"We all improve each other exponentially," Rodney nodded, following Rover to their door then into their room, where the cart immediately began rummaging through Rodney’s belongings.

"I think Rover’s planning to do your packing for you. I guess he wants to make sure I have enough time to convince you to hurry back."

"Rover, I need something other than uniforms," Rodney called before glancing at the equations on his datapad again and shaking his head.

"Just remember that you’re there to get your sister, not go out for dinner with Carter."

"Is that an order, Colonel?" Rodney asked, his eyebrows rising.

"Damn right. Remember you’re not available!"

Rodney raised his hand, showing John the ring he wore. "Taken, claimed, and glad of it," he promised, looking at John then at Rover, who was rummaging through his clothes.

"Good, no getting distracted by blondes." John went to help Rover, intent on getting the packing done so they could get to the fun part.

"I’m going to see my sister!" Rodney protested before squawking. "Not that shirt!"

"Definitely not that shirt," John agreed, trying to retrieve it from Rover. "You only wear that shirt for me."

"And somehow I never manage to wear it long..."

Rover waved the shirt like a flag before thrusting it at John.

"Exactly. No wearing it on Earth without me!" John tucked the shirt back into the drawer.

"Fine, then, Rover, don’t let him wear _this_ while I’m gone," Rodney ordered, grabbing a black t-shirt from John’s drawer and handing it to the cart.

"I’ll wear _that_ the day you come back," John retorted.

"Good." Rodney nodded tightly, bending over Rover as he folded clothes into a duffle bag.

"So you’d better hurry back." John moved over to the bed, undressing, and stretched out on top of it, lazily stroking himself.

"Oh hell," Rodney groaned, straightening up and staring at John, hoping he wasn’t drooling. "Rover, go see the girls, why don’t you; I promise I won’t leave without saying goodbye."

"And he won’t be leaving any time soon," John promised.

Rover zipped up the bag and spun, rubbing against Rodney’s leg as he headed out of the room. "Well then," Rodney murmured, pulling off his shirt and sitting down to unlace his boots.

"Got something in mind?" John asked, sitting up to press against Rodney’s back.

"You. Me. Getting horizontal as quickly as possible," Rodney suggested, twisting to kiss John on the jaw.

"I like that plan." John slid a hand down to stroke Rodney, making him groan and arch back against him.

"It’s a good one, like all of my plans," Rodney groaned.

"Have I mentioned how hot I think it is when you get all arrogant?"

"Do you want me to start listing my degrees?"

"Can you do that with your mouth on me?"

Rodney twisted around and pushed John to the bed, straddling him. "Do you have any doubt?"

"I think I need a demonstration."

Chuckling, Rodney slid off the bed to push off his pants, then crawled back toward John, settling himself between his long legs to lean in over him. "I can do that," he murmured, licking his way up John’s chest, offering a degree name with each kiss or nip. John shivered, squirming under Rodney’s weight and wrapping his legs around Rodney’s waist.

Rodney reached John’s collarbone and reversed his progress, sliding his way downward until his chin bumped John’s erection. John buried his fingers in Rodney’s hair, holding him in place while John writhed until his cock slid into Rodney’s mouth and he started sucking.

"Oh fuck," John groaned, staring down at Rodney’s lips wrapped around him.

"Soon," Rodney murmured, licking at the drop of precome that oozed down the head of John’s cock.

"Oh good. I need to stock up." John grinned at him while Rodney chuckled and swallowed him down again. John arched up, his fingers combing through Rodney’s hair as he fought his urge to pull Rodney closer.

When he felt John shudder beneath him, Rodney pulled off and shifted upward to kiss him again. "I want you to come when I’m in you," he murmured, rocking against the cradle of John’s hips.

"So get in me!"

"Slut," Rodney chuckled, leaning to the side to grab the lube from the beside table, flipping it open and smearing the gel on his fingers, at the same time pushing to his knees to push one into John’s ass.

"You know you love it," John gasped, rising up to take Rodney’s finger deeper.

"Damn right," Rodney nodded, adding another finger and crooking them to rub over John’s prostate, making John groan and squirm.

"Please!"

"Slick me up, then."

John grabbed for the lube, fumbling it briefly before managing to squeeze some out and stroke it onto Rodney, who groaned and thrust into the tight grip. "Oh fuck, I need to be in you now," he gasped, pulling back and positioning himself before thrusting in.

"God yes," John rasped, holding on to Rodney’s arms. "Feels so good."

Rodney groaned and nodded, dipping his head to nip at John’s lower lip as they started to rock together.

"I’ll be waiting here like this for you when I hear the Daedalus is arriving," John whispered, smiling against Rodney’s lips.

"You are an evil, evil man, Colonel."

"That’s why you love me."

"One of the reasons anyway."

John grinned at him. "I’m just so lovable."

"Only to me!"

"Just the way I like it." John bit lightly on Rodney’s chin, making him shudder and drive forward, starting a faster rhythm. John groaned and arched up to meet each thrust, kissing Rodney again.

"John..." Rodney gasped, shuddering as his climax caught him by surprise.

John groaned and clenched down on him and reached between them for his cock, desperate for his own climax while Rodney tried to keep moving, catching John’s mouth with his own and delving inside with his tongue, swallowing John’s moans. It was only moments before John tensed and came as well, his semen smearing their bellies.

"Damn, you feel good," Rodney sighed some time later.

"Right back atcha," John murmured, nuzzling Rodney’s throat.

"You do realize I’m not going to sleep well the entire time I’m gone?"

"Good. Because I won’t either, and Rover’s going to miss you too."

Rodney sighed and shifted enough so that John could be comfortable. "You know if I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t."

"Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it," John replied, sounding a little sulky.

"I’m sorry!"

"You can make it up to me when you get back." John managed a smile.

"Damn right I will; I’m heading to a grocery store and finding some Ben and Jerry’s for you."

John beamed at him. "My hero. Just mark it as something else so no one on the Daedalus eats it."

Rodney raised his head at that, his expression incredulous. "Who do you think you’re talking to here, Colonel?"

"Good point." John chuckled and kissed him. "Just don’t take too long."

"Tell your buddy Caldwell that," Rodney snorted. "I’m going to be haranguing Hermiod when I’m not dealing with Jeannie."

"Rodney, don’t ever use the words buddy and Caldwell in the same sentence." John pretended to shudder. "He’s a necessary evil. And why haranguing Hermiod?"

"Because I’m sure there are ways he can make that bucket go faster."

John burst into laughter. "I think I feel sorry for him."

Rodney sniffed. "Of course you should."

"But if it gets you back here faster, I don’t care. Torture him."

"Mmm, works for me," Rodney sighed, shifting until he was half on top of John and stroking a hand over his chest.

"We should probably get up. The sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll come back." But John tightened his grip on Rodney.

"Yeah, I should get going, need to shower and check what Rover packed for me." Rodney didn’t move at all as he spoke.

"Eventually one of us is going to have to actually move," John said.

"Since when are you the practical one?"

"Notice I’m not actually moving," John pointed out.

"Hrmm, true."

"And I really don’t want to."

"Neither do I but..." Rodney sighed, kissing John’s shoulder and sitting up. "Like you said, the faster I’m gone, the faster I come back."

John sighed and folded his arms behind his head. "If I lie here like this the whole time you’re getting ready, will it inspire you more?"

"To jump back in bed with you!"

John laughed and sat up. "Much as I like the sound of that, I’ll be good."

Rodney stood and stretched, shaking his head. "You good? Ha! But that’s the way I like you, so it works for me." He leaned in to kiss John then headed for the bathroom.

John got up, about to follow, but then he realized that would delay them even more, so he busied himself instead getting them clean clothes.

After a quick shower, Rodney returned, a towel slung around his neck and another around his waist. "Where are—oh, thanks."

John stole a kiss before going to take a quick shower of his own. When he came out, he cast an unhappy glance at Rodney’s suitcase, but he forced a smile as he dressed. "Stay away from Carter."

"I love _you_ , John. And you stay away from any priestesses, got it?"

John laughed and hugged him. "Promise."

"Good, now let’s find Rover so I can get going."

"I think he might be hiding to keep you from leaving."

"Well, it’ll work!"

John grinned. "Except that would upset you, so he’ll show up."

"Well, I guess we should start for the gate; he’ll find us." Rodney glanced around their room and nodded to himself before picking up his bag.

"You’ll be back before we know you’re gone." It wasn’t clear which of them John was trying to convince.

"Just think of all the paperwork you’ll get done."

John snorted. "Ten bucks says your harem decides to keep me from getting lonely."

Rodney had to chuckle at that. "If I come back and you have a pedicure, I’m going to kill them—and you!"

"Aww, Lindstrom said she’d paint rainbows on my toes."

"Dead man, Colonel! Dead man and Rover will help me do it, right?" Rodney asked as the cart scooted up to them and pressed against his leg.

"I think Rover would be too busy laughing at me," John chuckled.

"I think the whole base would be too busy laughing at you."

"Thanks so much for the support."

"Any time," Rodney chuckled as they walked, and he stroked Rover’s casing.

"Remind me why I love you?"

"I just did!"

John burst into laughter, as did Lisa Lindstrom, who had been coming up to say goodbye to Rodney.

"Yes? Did I say something amusing?" Rodney sniffed.

"Go get your sister and hurry home." John hugged him hard.

"I will." Rodney buried his face against John’s neck as he hugged him back, inhaling deeply before letting go and dropping to his knees beside Rover. "You two take care of each other, all right?" He hugged the cart as well, then stood. "All right."

John and Rover stood watching Rodney walk through the gate, and when it closed, they both slumped only to then jump when Ronon clapped a hand on each of them. "You’re coming to dinner with Teyla and me tonight."

Looking amused, John eyed him. "We’re not exactly likely to jump off a pier, you know. But yeah, that would be nice."

Ronon shrugged. "Didn’t think so, but this way you won’t mope. Cadman made a schedule."

John’s eyebrow rose. "Clearly I’m going to have to have a chat with the lieutenant about chain of command."

"Good luck with that," Jack O’Neill snorted.

"Are you going to argue with her?" Chuck Bryan laughed, looking down at them from the gate console.

"Isn’t that supposed to be a benefit of being the senior officer?"

Rover rubbed against the console, making a rude noise.

"And thank you for the support." John shook his head. "No respect."

The cart seemed to shrug at that and patted John’s leg, making everyone chuckle.

"I think caring’s better than respect," Lisa said quietly. "For the man, and the officer is respected and you know it."

"Don’t deny it, Sheppard," Ronon cautioned.

John opened his mouth, then shut it again when Rover waved a pincer menacingly, making everyone laugh again.

~*~

"All right Jeannie, the Daedalus is just going to transport us down..."

"And will I finally find out why you’ve been so anxious to get back here?"

"Why—oh, umm, about that..."

"Activating transport," Hermiod commented over the intercom before sending them down to the city.

"Rodney!" John and Rover both pounced on him, causing him to stagger into Jeannie and almost knock her over as he hugged them both.

Blonde eyebrows rose as Jeannie observed the reunion. "I take it this is that reason we were just talking about it?"

Rodney flushed and nodded though he kept an arm around John and a hand on Rover. "Yes—umm—yes, it is. Jeannie, this is Lt. Col. John Sheppard, and this is Rover." The pincer that wasn’t clinging to Rodney waved in her direction. "John, Rover, this is my sister, Jeannie."

John smiled and nodded without moving away from Rodney. "I take it Rodney forgot to mention a few things?"

"Why does this not surprise me?" she sighed.

"What does that mean?!"

"She means you’re not so good at sharing the personal stuff."

"Oh, he does know you, Meredith."

There was a moment of dead silence as John stared at Jeannie.

"Meredith?"

"Jeannie..." Rodney growled, trying to ignore the sniggers from around the control room.

"That’s his name. Meredith Rodney McKay. Right, Mer?"

"Oh, I’m going to have to rethink this whole relationship!" John laughed.

"Very amusing, Colonel!" Rodney snapped.

"Welcome back, Rodney," Paul cut in smoothly as he and Elizabeth joined the group.

"I wouldn’t worry too much, Rodney," Elizabeth chuckled. "He still has a death grip on you. And welcome to Atlantis, Mrs. Miller."

"You must be Dr. Weir," Jeannie smiled, ignoring her brother’s death glare in her direction. "This place is simply amazing."

"Yes, amazing, and perhaps we should get to work?"

John made a soft sound of protest, though he managed not to say anything.

Hearing that, Rodney glanced at him and flushed again. "Unless perhaps you and Paul would like to show Jeannie around the city, Elizabeth?"

Chuckling softly, Elizabeth said, "It would be my pleasure. And perhaps we can all have dinner later?"

"Of course, of course," Rodney muttered.

"We’ll see you then. Nice to meet you, Jeannie." John started backing toward the transporter, drawing Rodney with him.

"Just let me get my bags," Rodney protested even as Rover scooped them up and carried them off.

"Rover’s got them." Behind them, John could hear Jeannie asking about Rover.

"Good boy, Rover," Rodney commented as they all crowded into a transporter.

"He always is." John grabbed a fistful of Rodney’s shirt and yanked him into a kiss.

Rodney groaned and dragged John closer, devouring his mouth while trying to get his hands under his shirt. Neither man noticed when the transporter door opened, so after a minute, Rover started pushing them out, almost running over Laura Cadman in the process.

"Yup, things are back to normal," she laughed, stepping out of the way.

"Go bother O’Neill," John muttered. "We’re busy."

"Yes, sir!" Laura snickered as she watched them grope each other down the hall before she finally activated the transporter.

"She’s laughing at us," John muttered into the side of Rodney’s neck, "and I don’t care. Welcome home." He nudged Rodney through the door and locked it behind them with a thought.

"Fuck, I missed you," Rodney groaned, shoving John’s shirt up so that he could run his hands over John’s chest.

"I don’t think I’ve slept a night through since you left," John muttered, arching into Rodney’s touch. "Don’t ever go anywhere again."

Rover banged on the wall in emphasis, and Rodney nodded. "Sounds good to me. I didn’t sleep well either; even Sam remarked on it."

John jerked back and growled, "How the hell would she know how you were sleeping?"

"What? No! She just commented on it in the lab!"

"Tell her to comment about her own lover. No, on second thought, don’t talk to her!" John grabbed Rodney’s ass and yanked him close, kissing him possessively.

"Just you, only you," Rodney gasped when he could breathe again, before smirking slightly. "Of course, you could prove it to me..."

"I intend to. Several times. Rover’s going to have to carry you to the morning briefing."

"And you think this is a problem other than—oh shit, Jeannie will be there."

John stilled, staring at him. "If you think I’m not fucking you till after she leaves, you’re nuts and I’m calling Carson to find out what they drugged you with!"

"Did I say that?!" Rodney yelped.

"Good!" John backed him toward the bed, pulling at Rodney’s clothes as they moved.

"You do realize I’m going to get in you at least once tonight, don’t you?"

"You think I’m going to complain about that? You’ve been gone too long!"

Rodney chuckled at that and tumbled back onto the bed, squirming and sighing in pleasure. "Oh god, this feels good."

John raised an eyebrow at him. "I think I’d be happier if you had that reaction _after_ I was there too." An instant later he was stretched out on top of Rodney, naked bodies pressed together.

"Trust me, this reaction is even better," Rodney moaned, arching up under John and wrapping his arms and legs around the colonel, pulling him even closer as Rodney sucked and bit at John’s throat.

"Oh fuck yeah," John groaned, grabbing for the lube.

Rodney nodded, squirming even more as John pulled away to stretch him. "Hurry up!"

"I _am_! But I’m not going to hurt you!" John distracted him momentarily by biting a nipple, making Rodney whimper and thrash around under him. "God, I love that sound," John rasped, turning his head to catch the other nipple between his teeth.

"I kind of guessed that since you make me make it—oh fuck!--so often!"

John grinned up at him, biting again at the same time as he pushed a finger into Rodney.

"Bastard, if you make me come, I’mmm..." Rodney’s words trailed off into a deep moan.

"Nope, no coming till I’m in you. Maybe I should get a cock ring..."

"No!"

John laughed and squeezed more lube onto his cock, then shifted into position. Rodney lurched up and grabbed him, yanking him inward and making John cry out. "Jesus fuck, Rodney!"

"Actually, I’d rather John fuck Rodney if we’re getting caveman about it," Rodney chuckled before sighing as he arched upward.

"Asshole," John laughed breathlessly, pushing even deeper into him and then drawing back slowly, gasping as he felt Rodney clench down on him.

"And you love it."

"Damn right. Good thing you love me too."

Rodney slid his hands up John’s back and nipped at his upper lip. "A very, very good thing."

"You feel perfect," John rasped, sliding a hand down to stroke Rodney’s cock.

"Missed you so much," Rodney whispered.

"Me too." John raised a hand to brush Rodney’s hair back, meeting the vivid blue of his eyes. "I love you," he whispered as the first spasm of his climax ripped through him, the ripples echoing through Rodney as well as he shuddered beneath John, the tight grip on his cock sending him over as well.

John collapsed on top of Rodney, feeling the semen smear between them and not caring in the least. " _Now_ I know you’re back."

"Shh, enjoying the afterglow," Rodney murmured as he lazily stroked John’s back.

"Me too," John said, turning his head slightly to kiss Rodney’s chest.

"Anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"How exactly am I supposed to answer you and sh at the same time?"

Rodney chuckled quietly at that. "You mean you can’t? I thought you could do anything, Colonel."

"Naw, I used up my superpower quota getting you, Rover and Atlantis."

"And having fantastic sex."

"That comes with having you. Or being had by you." John raised his head to grin at Rodney.

"Both very good things." Rodney sighed, nuzzling John’s forehead. "And did I mention that one of those cases Rover has is a cooler?"

John sat up abruptly. "Ice cream?"

"Ow! And yes, ice cream. Since you were such a good boy, I got you several pints of Cherry Garcia."

John chortled gleefully. "You are a wonderful, wonderful man."

"Well, of course I am, and if you eat my Chubby Hubby, you’re a dead man."

John opened his mouth, then chuckled. "Naw, it’s just too easy."

"Yes, it is," Rodney sniffed.

"Besides, you’re not chubby." John lay back down, resting his head on Rodney’s shoulder.

Rodney chuckled and wrapped his arms around John again. "Not with the workouts I get because of you."

"Even on missions sometimes."

"I meant the missions!" Rodney laughed.

"Really? Damn, I’m going to have to try harder in bed then."

"In addition to—oh for god’s sake, Colonel!"

John lost the battle against his laughter, causing Rodney to growl and push at him.

"They do say it’s great exercise."

"I missed you why?"

"Because I’m the world champion at it," John chuckled. "Oh yeah, and you love me."

"Oh, go get your ice cream."

"Soon, I’m comfortable."

Rodney chuckled. "Don’t you mean I’m comfortable?"

"Yup! And it’s the first time I’ve been comfortable in a while, so stay!"

"Do you see me moving—not that I could with you on top of me... And don’t move!"

John laughed. "I’m so glad no one can ever hear these conversations."

"They wouldn’t believe them even if they did," Rodney shrugged.

"Thank God!" John laughed softly. "But I like them."

"They’re uniquely us," Rodney murmured.

"And that’s a very good thing to be."

"Damn right."

"We’re going to be sappy tonight, aren’t we?" John didn’t sound as if he minded.

Rodney shrugged, not appearing too upset by the prospect. "We’ve been apart for a month; we’re entitled."

"Good point." John raised his head to kiss Rodney. "In case I forgot to say it earlier, welcome home."

Rodney smiled into the kiss and relaxed against the bed. "You have no idea how good it is to hear that; now I just need to get Jeannie’s proof working in reality, and things are going to be golden."

"How could you fail? Two McKays are even better than one."

~*~

"Well, I didn’t realize everyone started without me," Rodney commented, walking up to the table where John, Ronon, Teyla, and Jeannie were all eating breakfast and laughing.

"Jeannie’s been telling us stories about you... Mer." John grinned at him.

Rodney’s theatric groan drew attention from the tightening of the skin around his eyes. "Oh really?"

"Do not worry, Rodney." Though as gentle-sounding as ever, Teyla was also laughing. "Many people have problems wetting their beds in their youth."

John laughed as well, but he was watching Rodney with concern in his eyes. "I saved you your favorite muffin," he said.

"Yeah, c’mon, McKay," Ronon snickered, "I remember one time these guys at school made me eat my lunch with my underwear on my head—oh wait, that was you!"

"Ha ha ha, very funny," Rodney sniped, resting his hand on Rover when the cart rolled up beside him. "I’ll just leave you all to your story-time."

"We should probably get to work," John said, getting to his feet. He was all in favor of teasing Rodney, but he didn’t like the expression in the blue eyes.

"True," Jeannie said as she got up and picked up her tray, "the sooner we’re done here, the sooner we can get home."

John looked at her. "The rest of us are home, Jeannie."

"Oh yes, of course, I meant myself," she laughed, making Rodney roll his eyes.

"All McKays use the royal we, huh?" John teased.

"Well, Mer uses it talking about himself and his brain."

"I’m going to the lab now; feel free to join me when and if coffee hour is over," Rodney snapped.

"Hey, wait for me! Consider us joined at the hip for a while," John exclaimed, hastily getting to his feet.

"Don’t hurry yourself, Colonel." With that, Rodney turned and left the mess hall, Rover right at his side. John chased after him, catching up only seconds later, and he caught Rodney’s arm, drawing him to a halt.

"Hey, remember me? I’m the guy who’s always on your side."

"Hrmm, and here I thought you were getting your jollies listening to stories about my oh-so-wonderful childhood."

"Rodney, you’ve known me for nearly three years. You know damn well I like teasing people. And you also know that’s as far as it goes."

"Lovely. Do you mind letting go now because I’ve got a lot of work to do."

John sighed. "It’s a good thing I have a surefire way to improve your mood," he muttered as he turned away.

Rodney opened his mouth to say something, but a call from Elizabeth interrupted, and he listened, frowning at the ambiguousness of her words. "What’s going on now?"

John stopped at Rodney’s tone and turned back. He activated his own radio, letting Elizabeth know he was there.

"I need both of you to come to the isolation unit _now_. You’ll understand when you get here."

As they started on their way, neither man noticed Jeannie, who’d come after them, following curiously until they reached the transporter, but short of shoving her out bodily, there was nothing they could do about it. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at Jeannie’s presence when they arrived, but she didn’t order the other woman out.

"Hello? Elizabeth? Care to explain why we’re here?" Rodney asked.

She moved aside, letting them see the video monitor, and they all frowned.

"What in the world?" Rodney said.

"It’s you." Jeannie sounded confused.

"No, that is a live closed-circuit feed of a man we have in the isolation room," Elizabeth said, walking over to the observation window with everyone following her. They all stared down at what seemed to be Rodney, in a leather jacket, who looked back up at them with a wry expression.

"What?" Jeannie said in a near whisper.

"He appeared in the containment chamber," Elizabeth explained. "Inside the force field."

"Well, how’d he get in there?" John asked, stunned.

"He claims to be from a parallel universe."

"You said the odds against this were astronomical," Jeannie said accusingly, turning to Rodney.

"You saw the math!"

"Yeah, well, we got it wrong!"

"Well, he’s here now, so the question is what does he want?"

"To talk to you," Elizabeth said very dryly.

"All right, you want shared credit? You’re coming in with me."

After an abortive protest, Jeannie followed her brother.

When the door to the isolation room slid open, Rodney walked slowly inside, Jeannie trailing after him, both of them staring at the other him.

"Wow," the other Rodney said, "I always figured you’d be here, but Jeannie? I always hoped we’d work together on Atlantis."

"It’s a first for me too," Jeannie murmured.

At the other Rodney’s ‘huh’, Rover darted forward and pinched him, causing the other man to take a step back and stare down at the cart. "What the hell is that?"

"That," Rodney said proudly, "is Rover. You mean he didn’t find you in your universe?"

"I think I’d have remembered an abusive cart appearing... I presume you go by..."

"Rodney."

"Ah, Rod."

Rodney turned to look back at Jeannie. "I could never get anyone to call me that."

Rodney and Rod sat down facing each other, and he felt his stomach plummet as the other man described just how his and Jeannie’s experiment was causing havoc in Rod’s universe.

From the viewing balcony John muttered, "This is weird," and Elizabeth just looked at him. He grinned broadly when Rover pinched the other Rodney. "I knew I could count on him," he murmured.

~*~

Frowning as he listened to Rod and Jeannie bond, Rodney turned to see John watching him. "What are we going to do with him?"

"We’ll assign him guest quarters till we find something more permanent," John said, purposely misunderstanding since he had no idea how they were going to fix this.

"Something more permanent? We’re not keeping him!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Well, he can’t go back," John pointed out.

"But it doesn’t mean he has to stay here!" Rover banged into John’s calves in support of Rodney’s statement, making John move to Rodney’s other side.

"He’d rather be on Atlantis than Earth."

Rodney’s tone turned petulant. "Oh, so he gets his way and I don’t."

"How can you not want to be with him? He’s you." John had a momentarily glazed look in his eyes before focusing again.

"He’s not me, I’m me! The real me," Rodney trailed off, noticing John’s expression and gagging. "Oh my god, you’re disgusting!"

"Oh, like you wouldn’t think about it if there were two of _me_!" John retorted. "It’s not like I was planning to _do_ anything about it. And I suppose it’s all relative. To Rod, his reality is every bit as valid as ours. To _him_ , we’re the imposters."

"I want _you_ , not some imposter from another space-time continuum," Rodney sniffed. "And what does Elizabeth have to say about all of this?"

"Two McKays are better than one." John grinned.

"There aren’t two McKays! There’s one McKay and _him_ ," Rodney turned and pointed down the hall as they reached a transporter.

"Whatever you say." John considered calling him Meredith for the reaction, but since he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life sleeping on the couch, being pinched by Rover, he kissed Rodney instead before stepping into the transporter.

~*~

"What the hell is this?" The sight of Rod sitting with John, Jeannie, Ronon and Teyla, all of them laughing like the best of friends, made Rodney’s stomach ache, and he felt his blood pressure rise as he approached the table.

"Hey, sleepyhead." John smiled.

"I was having breakfast with Jeannie," Rod explained. "I guess it just kind of ballooned into a group affair. Sit down. We’re tracing back our lives, trying to find the little differences between our pasts."

"Rod is an honorary member of the Athosian Council," Teyla put in.

" _And_ godfather to his niece and nephews," Jeannie added with more than a hint of smugness.

"Yes, how wonderful for him."

Rod chuckled. "It’s easier for me. Our Earth has a ZPM too, so it makes the back and forth a lot easier."

"Drs. McKay, please report to the containment chamber." The announcement cut into Rodney’s comeback.

"Excuse me," he muttered, clenching his jaw when Rod echoed the statement, then paused to confirm a sparring date with Ronon later.

After Rodney, Jeannie and Rod left, trailed by Rover, John glared at Ronon. "Thanks so much! He’s going to be in a foul mood for days now."

"What’d I say?" Ronon protested. "I’m not the one who went golfing with his double before he was even awake."

"You didn’t need to make a point of confirming with Rod. Do you think Rodney’s an idiot? He knows perfectly well when he’s being made fun of or excluded from things."

"Then maybe he should have been the one having breakfast with his sister."

John shook his head, getting to his feet. "Before Rod showed up, everyone knew exactly how Rodney was. So why are you all pointing out the differences now and expecting him to turn into Rod? I happen to like Rodney."

"We’re not trying to change Rodney, John," Teyla interjected. "We like him as well."

"Maybe you should try telling him that," John said before leaving.

~*~

"He’s slowing me down," Rodney stated flatly when he returned to his and John’s rooms to find the colonel cleaning his golf clubs.

"Really? I would have thought two of you would’ve sped things up." Toothbrush in hand, John concentrated on inspecting his club for any dirt that had missed his first cleaning.

"He’s not me!" Hearing John comparing the two of them sent Rodney into a spiel of suppositions regarding how Rod was such a fuck-up in his universe that they sent him to theirs as a way of putting out the garbage.

John sighed, setting aside his club. "I know what this is about. You think Jeannie likes him more than you." And possibly Ronon and Teyla as well, but John wasn’t about to get sidetracked.

"What?! That’s crazy! That’s, that’s..." Rodney flashed back to the conversation he’d had with Jeannie earlier. "That’s possibly true." Ignoring John’s smug nod, he continued. "Jeannie and I’ve drifted apart. I mean that happens; it wasn’t done maliciously. Do I have regrets? Of course I do, but who doesn’t? I wish I’d have told her about us before we got here, but there’s nothing to be done about that.

"You know, I’m not very good at saying I’m sorry or that I’m wrong. Possibly because it happens so rarely, as you know."

John eyed him with amusement, simply making a noncommittal sound as he picked up his club again only to have Rover snatch it from him and carry it away.

"So I didn’t call or write, and when I realized four years had gone by, it was just..." Rodney paused, his eyes widening. "You’re right. Of course, you’re right. She has every reason to hate me." Something broke inside Rodney at the admission, and Rover thrust the club back at John before scooting to his side and pressing against him. Ignoring the club, John stood up and pulled Rodney into a tight hug.

"I wouldn’t say hate, Rodney."

"Well, she should!"

"She’s your sister; she loves you. That’s why she’s so pissed at you. Trust me, I know," John said wryly.

"What do you mean by—" Once again Rodney was interrupted by Radek’s call, then he hugged John back distractedly. "Good talk, thanks."

John watched him go, sank back down onto the bed and picked up his club to give it an experimental swing.

~*~

Discovering that the problem was only getting worse didn’t improve any of the scientists’ moods. The people in Rod’s reality managed to get a message through, explaining that the rip in the fabric of their universe was expanding much more rapidly than anticipated. They had come up with a solution, but when Rod reviewed it, he found that it would destroy his Atlantis and rip a hole in the reality of _this_ universe.

Fortunately, Jeannie had an idea, but it was going to nearly deplete the ZPM, a fact that was consuming Rodney’s thoughts as he worked on the mock-up, trying to ignore Radek’s questions as to whether Elizabeth had given the okay for the power burst.

"You’d rather the universe was destroyed?" Even to his own ears, his voice sounded tired.

"Not really." Radek got back to work, and Rod came to join them.

"Rodney, talk to you for a second?" Once they were alone, he continued, "The Daedalus is still in orbit. I thought..."

Rodney nodded sharply. "I know what you’re going to say." Of course, Rod had to say it anyway, explaining facts he already understood about how Rod’s beaming into the energy stream protected by his own personal force field would solve both the problem of the energy cascade and his being stuck in Rodney’s Atlantis.

"But everyone loves you here." Rodney bit his tongue to keep from mentioning Rod and John’s golf ‘date’.

"But it’s not home." Rod smiled crookedly. "Look, my Sheppard is a know-it-all. My Teyla is hard to talk to, and my Ronon is... Well, actually those two are pretty similar. I guess what I’m trying to say is that for all their faults, they’re my team. My place is with them.

"Besides, they’re not looking for another McKay around here. They already have one."

"Yes, a lesser model." Rodney lifted his chin, ignoring the way his voice broke on the last words.

Rod laughed softly. "I envy you. You say exactly what’s on your mind, no matter how it makes you look. I can only imagine the freedom you must have, not caring if people like you."

"People don’t like me?"

"Trust me, you’ve got it great here." And without giving Rodney a chance to reply, Rod returned to the issue of getting him home, leaving Rodney to watch the heartfelt goodbyes with Radek and his sister, trying to ignore his own jealousy at their closeness.

John came in just then and moved to Rodney’s side, sliding an arm around him. "Hey, just think, tonight we won’t have to worry about any interruptions. And no missions for a few days so I don’t need to be able to walk tomorrow," he murmured, leaning in for a kiss.

"What? Oh." Rodney smiled slightly and wrapped his arm around John’s waist as well, unable to keep from smirking when Rod glanced over at them and his eyes widened.

John noticed as well and chuckled. "Another difference between our realities? Your Sheppard really is an idiot."

"Or I am," Rod mused before nodding. "Well, I guess there’s nothing left to say but ‘there’s no place like home.’" With that, he vanished in a bright light as the Daedalus beamed him away.

Rodney, Radek and Jeannie began the process, Rodney letting Jeannie push the button this time. The experiment worked, but they had to maintain the bridge for longer than expected in order to let Rod have enough time to get across safely.

"Oh, I am so fired," Rodney groaned, staring at the large double zeros that marked the depletion of the ZPM—at least before the lights went out until the generators powered them up again.

"More time for sex then," John said cheerfully.

"I really did not need to hear that when you’re talking about my brother!" Jeannie exclaimed.

"Be grateful that’s all you heard," Radek muttered.

~*~

While Rodney and Radek went off to explain what had happened to Elizabeth, John followed Jeannie back to her quarters with his laptop... and showed her the message Rodney had made that first year when they thought they were going to be killed by the Wraith.

"When did he record this?" Jeannie asked after pausing the recording.

"A couple of years back when we thought the bad guys were going to get us."

"Were the two of you... together then?"

John nodded. "It was still fairly recent, but yeah. Rover still hated me then," he added with a chuckle.

"Why was that?" she asked.

"He’d just been activated, pretty much around the same time Rodney and I got together, and we had a bit of a jealousy thing going on over Rodney," John admitted.

Jeannie had to chuckle at that. "Mer must have loved that."

"He wore a smug grin for weeks," John laughed.

She shook her head at that. "Now I’ve seen three sides of my brother."

John started to answer but was interrupted by Rodney and Rover, who both stopped short when they saw John in her room.

"What are you two up to?" Rodney groaned.

"Nothing," John said, taking the laptop that Jeannie closed and handed to him. "Just telling stories about you. You know, trying not to fall asleep."

"Oh, ha ha," Rodney grumbled while Rover scooted forward, waving a pincer.

"Oh, stop that," John snorted as he got to his feet. "I’ll leave you guys alone. Come on, Rover; let’s see how much blue jello we can scare out of the cooks."

The cart spun in a circle before rolling over to Jeannie and plucking at her pants leg, then following John out, leaving Rodney feeing very uncomfortable. Finally he gave Jeannie a half wave. "Hey."

"Hey." She gave him no help.

"Hey, uh, you should be packing; the Daedalus leaves in the morning."

Jeannie reached down and picked up a small duffel bag, placing it on the bed. "I’m done. How’d it go with Weir?"

"Oh, well, she wasn’t too happy with the whole killing of the ZPM, but we did prevent the destruction of the universe, so... not fired."

"That’s good." Jeannie smiled uncomfortably, and the moment stretched on before Rodney broke.

"Oh, I um, got this for Madison," he said, offering Jeannie a carved statue.

Jeannie took it, turning it in her hand as she looked bewildered.

"I swiped it from Weir’s desk; it’s not like there’s a Toys-R-Us around," Rodney admitted, looking sheepish.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Well, uh, it’s the, uh, the thought that counts," Jeannie said, putting it into her bag.

There was another uncomfortable pause before Jeannie looked up, shoving her hands into her back pockets. "I’d say see you around, but...

"Yes, about that." Rodney paused, searching for the right words. "What I wanted to umm..." He trailed off, not sure of what to say.

Jeannie watched him expectantly for a moment before smiling Rodney’s crooked smile. "Thank you for trying."

Unwilling to let it go like that, Rodney strode forward and pulled Jeannie into a hug, feeling her shock in the stiffness of her body before she hugged him back. Swallowing against his own tight throat, he forced the words out. "How are you? You happy? You okay?"

Jeannie had a tremulous smile on her face as she said, "Yeah, Mer, I am. I really am."

After tightening the hug, Rodney pulled back to see the truth of her words in her eyes, and he nodded. "The intergalactic gate network should be completed soon, so, um, maybe it won’t be four years next time?"

"This mean I’ll, uh, see you at Christmas?"

" _If_ you can convince Caleb not to make tofurkey—and you make enough for John as well; he _loves_ turkey."

Jeannie laughed. "No promises!"

Rodney chuckled at that and headed out of her room, feeling better than he had in weeks.

~*~

With an uncomfortable sense of deja vu, Rodney entered the mess hall to find John, Ronon and Teyla all laughing over something.

"Am I just not getting the team e-mails any more?" he protested while Rover clacked his pincers menacingly.

"I knew you needed your sleep," John said with a comical leer. "And take it easy; we were just talking about Rod."

"Oh yes, well, of course you were," Rodney sighed.

"Do you think he made it back to his universe?" Teyla asked.

"Well, it’s hard to say really, but I doubt he’ll be back though."

"That’s good," John said. "We found him a little, uh... creepy."

"What?"

Ronon shrugged. "Yeah, I can’t stand people who are nice all the time; makes me feel like they’re trying to hide something."

"Really?" Rodney’s voice and eyebrows rose.

"He kept trying to correct me on my Athosian history," Teyla said. "It grew... tiresome very quickly."

"Well, he wasn’t that bad..."

"Well, let’s be honest," John said. "Rod was annoying."

"Well," Rodney grinned, breathing a sigh of relief as Rover relaxed beside him, "I’ll admit, it’s kind of nice to hear. Now," he grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the table. "What else has been happening?"

John, Teyla and Ronon exchanged a smiling glance while Rodney was grabbing the chair. As Rodney sat down next to John, the colonel said, "Well, one of the new Marines has got the hots for Teyla," making her kick him.

"Ow!"

"That is not true!"

"Better not be," Ronon grumbled.

"For his sake," Rodney laughed.

Teyla gave John a truly evil smile. "One of them _has_ , however, been paying a great deal of attention to John."

"What?!" Rodney shrieked. "Who?"

"No one!" John glared at Teyla, while she and Ronon laughed. "There’s no one but you, and you know it."

Rodney smiled at that and nodded. "Yes, I know that, and I know my um, homecoming celebration was somewhat cut off by circumstances, so perhaps you’d like to do something? Maybe play some golf?"

John beamed at him. "You’re going to learn golf for me?"

"Yes." Rodney’s expression was as pained as his voice.

"I love you." John leaned over and kissed him. "How ‘bout we go back to our room instead, and you make sure I can’t walk tomorrow?"

Rodney’s expression brightened while Ronon guffawed and Teyla chuckled quietly. "That, Colonel, sounds like the _perfect_ plan!"

"So what are waiting for?" John demanded, getting to his feet.

"Nothing at all. Teyla, Ronon, we’ll see you later," Rodney commented, catching John by the arm and pulling him from the mess hall to the sound of the other couple’s laughter.

END


End file.
